Jaded Romance
by Bethy1416
Summary: With Lisbon having a relationship with Marcus Pike, Jane is feeling replaced and it's when a sudden proposition comes hurtling toward Teresa that Jane finally voices his thoughts and tells her that he needs her...
1. Chapter 1

The team had just neatly wrapped up a case and were all preparing to go home after signing off their paperwork. Lisbon sat at her desk, head on hand, and bounced her pen between her fingers hearing the _tap tap tap_ it made as it hit the surface of the table. Jane lay quietly behind her on his couch, and listened to the rhythmic beat and wondered what it was that was making her so agitated. She'd seemed dreamier recently. He'd always jumped to the conclusion that it was her romantic evenings with Agent Pike that had sent her hormones into a frenzy. Sure, he'd like to believe she was happy, and for a couple of weeks she was, but then it was after the case at the 'men only' center, in the forest, that he noticed her change. Then a beat was missed and he heard shuffling coming from her direction so he snapped an eye open and slyly glanced over at what she was doing. She'd dropped the pen on top of the papers and was bending over her bag. She retrieved her cell, which surprised Jane as she'd always insisted on carrying it with her when out in the field. The screen lit up and she smiled sweetly to herself, a cascade of her brunette locks forming a barricade between her and the rest of the bullpen. Jane silently watched her type a reply, that unbeknown to him, was a simple text informing Pike that she would be clear of work soon and that she'd go straight over to his. Jane felt good that he'd finally set her free from the wrath of Red John and the bright array of emotion that was carried with the case and every new murdered victim. For once in a very long time he felt as if he'd done something right, not only for her, but for him too. If either of them had voiced the vibe that had buzzed between them for many years, more so the recent months, then he knew she would forever be with him and he would never see her be so cheerful, due to the pain and heavy weight he came with. She had seen him at his worst times, and more often than not, helped him get out of them... But surely she'd always see that in him when they were together? He understood strong relationships were built on trust, and they both believed they had that for one another, but also knowing the worst side of your partner. And he was afraid that he had gone past 'worst' and onto 'soul destroying'.

"Night, Jane," Lisbon's voice suddenly pierced through his thoughts. He looked up at her as she stood behind her chair and realized he was still lying comfortably on his couch with one eye open. He blinked multiple times and then revealed both shimmering pools of aqua and decided his best way out of this was to laugh it off. "Sleeping with one eye open? How very dolphin-y of you."  
"I didn't pin you for a fish lover, Lisbon," he said, sitting up.  
"I wouldn't call myself a _lover_."  
"I'm sure Agent Pike would strongly disagree," he smirked.  
Her features went blank as she hid within her walls again for protection. "Stay out of my business, Jane." And with that she turned on her heels and walked toward the elevator.

As Teresa and Marcus sat at his table that evening eating take out, against his will, that she'd picked up on her way back from work, he continued to appear content.  
"Marcus..." She began, resting her fork on the edge of her plate as he looked up. "It's take out food."  
"Thank you Agent Lisbon for clearing that up," he chuckled.  
She smiled as he slid a hand over hers and she glanced down at her lap to cover a subtle blush. "I don't mind eating it. And don't you dare tell me you cooked every night after getting home from work. It's okay, I'm used to it. In fact, I think you've provided me with more hand prepared meals in the past two weeks than I've had in the past year."  
"I'm happy so long as you are."  
She pulled her other hand out from under the table and placed it over his. "Trust me when I say, I am very happy."  
"Good," he said gently, sounding far more reassured. "I just don't want to disappoint you."  
"Aha, you? Disappoint? I think you'd break out in hives," she laughed. At the sound of her amusement his eyes lit up and he felt comfortable again. He didn't mind eating take out, that's pretty much what he lived off when his divorce was finally confirmed and filed, but he wanted to make sure she didn't think that he couldn't be bothered, because if she wanted a home cooked meal, then that's what he'd do. They carried on eating and when she was scraping the remaining noodles onto her fork he got up to fetch the bottle of wine from the counter. They listened to the glugging sound as he poured more into each of their glasses and she washed her last mouthful down with a sip as he returned the wine to the work-space. He walked back over and instead of retaking his seat he came towards her and took her hand. She watched him curiously as she was unsure of what was going on and then her eyes widened as he knelt before her. Her mind went into overdrive as she tried to compartmentalize her thoughts and feelings.  
He smiled nervously and removed one of his hands from grasping hers to rummage in his pocket. A brief moment later he withdrew a petite ring that held a glistening rock.  
"Teresa... Lisbon... Will you marry me?.."


	2. Chapter 2

She sat there completely aghast and so lost for words she wanted the ground to swallow her whole. The single word that remained in her vocabulary was, yes. But she couldn't. She wanted to, to make the situation easy. But the easy way wasn't always the right way, she had years in law enforcement to prove that. Hearing the silence, he somehow felt relieved... He wanted her to marry him, but he was glad that he had found a woman capable of making a realistic decision. They'd only been dating a few weeks, although they'd both grown incredibly fond of each other, but he couldn't help feeling that their love was unbalanced.

"It's alright..." He muttered encouragingly. He wanted this to be her decision.

"Marcus," she finally summoned the strength. "I like you... I really do-"

He broke her off with a kiss and she thanked the Lord for the help she'd requested. She hated herself and felt so embarrassed. When they pulled away he gazed into her eyes and she offered a shaky smile.

"Listen..." He said, studying her bewildered features. "It's okay. I just... Well, I love you," he blurted out causing her to have to cover her shock. "And I know this could all be so very daunting... But I want to make you as happy as possible and-"

"I know..." She whispered, their faces still inches apart. "Marcus please understand that this... It's a big decision... And it's completely my fault..."

"No, it's not-"

"Please," she hushed him. "I... Haven't dated in a long time. And I mean a long time. I'm just very cautious because the last time I said yes to this question, I was young and ended up... It doesn't matter, but I just don't want to hurt you..."

He looked at her, searching for something deeper now. She rubbed a thumb along his cheek and pecked a kiss beside his lips then stepped away. "I should probably... get going," she stated, taking her jacket from the back of the chair.

"Here," he said helping her into her jacket and then signalling the way. "Let me show you out."

They both remained in this odd characterization until he had closed the door, with her on the other side. They each mentally knew that some time apart, just a night or two, was what they needed and hopefully things would resume to how they were before tonight. Marcus strode back to the kitchen table and carried their plates to the sink. He poured Lisbon's wine into his glass and carried it through to the living room where he turned on the television just so he didn't have to sit in silence. There wasn't even an inkling of interest in what the show was about, he just didn't like the silence swallowing his thoughts.

As for Lisbon, she was still unsure what to make of it all. She knew she felt incredibly evil, but the rest was all just a knotted ache in her chest. She took out her cell phone and called the first number on speed dial.

"Lisbon?" He asked, knowing it was.

"Hi, Jane... Can I talk to you?.." She didn't know what she was doing, this was all rather out of character for her. She very rarely relied on others.

"Of course. What's up?"

"I mean... Can we grab coffee or something?.." She knew he didn't drink coffee and most places were shut at this time, but she knew that he'd understand what it meant.

"That bad, huh?" He would normally resort to humour and joking, but he had a strong hunch that this was not the time.

"Where shall I meet you?"

"What about that little place off the highway?"

She knew the one, one of the few places that sold vaguely decent coffee.

"I'll see you there." She hung up before he had chance to ask any questions. Right now she loved Jane for being Jane. Most days, when he was causing trouble she'd do pretty much anything to have him swapped for an obeying Labrador or something that she could pet. But today, she was glad Jane was him, she was glad he'd be able to read whether she wanted to go on and talk or to sit there quietly, she was glad he was still there, in her life. No doubt she'd be feeling the complete opposite tomorrow when he sparked up more mischief.

She pulled into the parking lot and saw his trough of a home, his air-stream. She got out and wandered into the roadside diner. She saw him sat at a table with a mug placed in front of both chairs.

"Hello you," he greeted warmly.

"Hi." She took her seat and immediately went for the comfort of cradling the mug. "Thanks," she said, referring to the cup of coffee.

"Decaf. From your expression, I'm guessing you're going to need all the help you can get with actually having some sleep tonight. Caffeine would not help the situation..."

She sucked in her lips and raised an eyebrow, acknowledging his wise choice. After a few moments silence between them he decided that whatever it was, she should talk about it otherwise it will eat her from the inside out.

"Did you and Marcus have an argument?.." He asked gently. Her eyes darted up to meet his face and she shook her head.

"The complete opposite actually..."

He waited patiently and took another sip of his tea.

"He proposed to me, Jane," she suddenly shared. His eyes went wide, as hers had done just an hour before. His expression then faded into one that she couldn't read and with that she bows her head to her lap again, thumb tapping the mug handle.


	3. Chapter 3

"Wow..." Jane mumbled. "I didn't realize you were so serious..." He had realized. Well... He wasn't expecting such news so soon, but he knew they were moving at some fast paces.

"We weren't. We're not. Well... I don't know..."

"What did you say?"

"... Nothing... I just sat there like a complete jerk. Not saying anything."

"Oh..." He discreetly sighed with relief, then immediately remembered the promise he'd made with himself earlier. If she were to receive good news, that made her happy, then he'd be happy too. And if it were bad news, then he'd cheer her up, not be glad of it. "... And... What's happened now?.."

"Jane..." She warned. "Don't you dare say anything, or do anything, stupid, you hear me?"

"I do."

"Good."

"So?.."

"We're fine, unfortunately for you," she snapped.

His expression went to one of distraught. "What do you mean?.."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said shaking her head.

"Lisbon?.." He asked watching her leg bouncing and breathing shallow.

"I can't, Jane-" Her face crumpled as if trying to refrain from crying.

"Hey, Lisbon, just breathe," he soothes, rising slightly from his chair and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Just breathe, okay?.." She'd had a panic attack once before, when she was suspended and was under surveillance because she was a suspect on a case linked with her SFPD days. He was slightly surprised that something like this would throw her into such a frenzy. "Come on, let's take a step outside." He got her up from her seat and lead her outside to get away from the thick, cooking scented air indoors. She was completely aware of what was going on and she controlled it with the help of some guidance.

"I don't know what brought that on, I apologize..."

He let the dust settle for a few seconds. "What're you going to do?.." He asked, leaning on the bonnet of her car.

"Let things play out I guess."

"But you two made up?"

"Does it pain you to talk about this, Jane?" She asked.

"Very much so."

She expected him to ask why, or to throw an insult back, but now she is obliged to ask why herself.

"Why?"

"I want you to be happy. And you're not. And I'm half inclined to commit another murder for the FBI to use to trap me here."

She wasn't sure what to say to that. "Well don't kill him."

"As you wish..."

"And we can't have you stuck here for longer than you've already got."

"That's very kind of you."

"I was just saying that because they believe I'm the only one who can control you. The longer you stay, the longer I do."

He looked at her and she couldn't help but drop her act and grin.

"Very _good_, it's nice to see that smile."

"Hah," she grunted. "You got any wise ideas?"

"For your predicament?"

"No, for fleeing the country."

"I have plenty of those, one of them even works!"

"Come on, Jane," she said, beginning to jig impatiently.

"What do you want to do Lisbon?.. Do you want to keep going?"

"He wants to..."

"Do _you_?"

"Maybe."

"Well see how things plan out. Don't rush into anything."

"I'm moving to DC," she exclaimed with a serious tone of voice.

His eyes widen again for the second time this evening.

"With _him_?"

"Oh get real, Jane," she groaned, acknowledging his disgust. "I'm not needed around here, I enjoy it, yes, but there's nothing keeping me here. I'm free to go whenever I want."

"What happened with you controlling me?-I-I need you here."

"You don't though! Fischer and Cho will keep you in place and you haven't needed me for the past few months! Since Red John I've been a sub, sat on the sidelines while you play the game. Just... Face it Jane, you'll be able to cope. You coped in Mexico, or wherever it was you vanished off to. You'll cope now-"

"I won't. I can't."

"Grow up. I'm not helping you with anything. You don't need me in cases, you don't need moral support-"

"You make me come to work everyday!"

She rolled her eyes and began to walk around the car to the driver's door.

"No! Lisbon, come back. I'll listen-"

"It's fine, Jane. I'm done." She yanked at the handle and clambered into her seat. She started the engine and shut the door then put the car into drive. She sat with her foot hovering over the acceleration pedal but couldn't go anywhere because Jane was stood a metre in front of her car, his arms crossed and refusing to budge. She slumped back in her chair and knew that this could be a long night. After a bit, she too crossed her arms and glared at him, although being aware that he could not see her due to the brightness of the headlights, shining directly at him.

After about five minutes of being in deadlock she stopped being so stubborn and climbed out of the car.

'You're a jackass," she informed him as she reached the spot beside him.

"But I got you here again. Now we can talk, like civilized adults."

She stuck her nose up and refolded her arms. "I tried to before."

"Well now I shall act as one too." He'd decided it was easier to go along with whatever she was saying otherwise there'd be no stopping her from running him over if she climbed back in that car.

"I just don't understand why it's such a catastrophe that I move. We're friends, I get that. But you don't need me here. And you ran off, not knowing if you were coming back, God! Not even knowing if you'd survive with the FBI after you or that we'd see each other again! And when I decide to move, for a completely _legal_ reason, and I have a single location where you can find me, and we can see each other again, it's a huge issue."

"Listen... Listen..." He said, his voice steady and controlled as he turned to face her with his hands firmly resting on her shoulders. "I have lost you, _so_ many times. And when I went away... After Red John... I finally realized that if I got you back, I'd never want to let you go again... Please try to understand, Teresa... The time I spent, beside the ocean, with air and space, I had time, _so_ much time, to think and set my sights straight. I uncovered how much I rely on you and how much I need you. Please believe me. And I finally realized I'd taken you for granted and that I never showed any gratitude for what you did for me. You were my passage to peace, my pathway to the future. Without you I wouldn't have been able to catch him. I think... It just shook me up a bit when you showed interest in another guy and I felt replaced- I'm not accusing you of anything Teresa, I'm not. But I simply want you to understand how much you mean to me. Please."


	4. Chapter 4

Teresa had waited so long to just hear some form of compliment from him, one that didn't embarrass her too much. And then he goes and throws a well improvised monologue at her. She studied his face as it washed through a variety of emotions and expressions. Desperation, to hopefulness, to deep longing, then finally settling on regret.  
"Come here, you silly thing," she croaked out. She pulled him in for a hug and rested her nose just above his shoulder so she could still consume the much-needed air, her mouth tightly pressed against his suit jacket. "You'll be _fine_," she insisted. He broke away and looked at her.  
"What do I need to do to prove myself?" He asked desperately.  
"You're my friend, correct?"  
"Of course I am, aren't I?"  
She nodded her head once and continued. "Then you want what's best for me?.."  
This time he took a little longer to reply. "I do."  
She took a deep, slow breath and exhaled gently. "Then... Help me figure out what _is_ best for me?.."  
He reeled back in shock, he'd thought she was going to say that the best thing for her was to move to DC with Pike.  
"Surely you know my opinion on the situation?.."  
"I know your opinion, yes." She stopped abruptly and finally picked her gaze up from the floor. "But your feelings on it? I don't think I do..."  
He wasn't entirely sure what she was getting at. _Well that's a lie _he told himself. _I know what I'm meant to say, and I know what I want to say. _But was he ready to say it? He wasn't certain. _That's a lie again._ It was more a case of, how did he say it? He didn't want to finally say it, and for her to not be expecting _those_ feelings.  
"What... _Feelings_ would you like me to express? Ones of wanting to keep you here, all to myself? Or ones of wanting to let you go, so you can be happy?"  
He definitely hadn't worded it like that in his head, and clearly she hadn't either. Her lips seemed to part and then snap shut again several times before any sound would come out.  
"Me to be happy?.." She muttered, knowing she wanted the answer to the other feelings that included her all to himself...  
"Well... Uh... I want you to be happy," he stated. When he realised she was expecting a better answer than that, he rethought over the many times he'd considered telling her... "And... I don't know what, or _who_, makes you happy anymore..." He just needed a subtle hint from her, something that would tell him that the feelings he knew she'd once carried for him were still there, and more to the point, still wanting to be acknowledged and acted upon.  
"You're the psychic, you tell me," she challenged, although still remaining serious.  
"Well... Marcus had some form of effect on you, and I think he made you happy for a while." He felt worried that he'd hit a nerve any second and she'd refuse to listen to anymore. "But I think you've noticed that he isn't the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?"  
She fiddled with her fingers as she registered his words. He was right, of course. "How do you know that, Jane?.." She questioned, wanting him to admit deep secrets. "I know it's blatantly obvious that I'm unsure of it all, but... What I'm trying to say is... How can you be so confident that it's true?"  
He watched her as she tried to explain herself, the little line between her brows indicating the stress she was battling with.  
"I pay keen attention to detail."  
"And what is the detail with me?"  
"Your smile."  
"My smile?" She says incredulously.  
"Yes. Plus you have a strong telltale trait... For a start, when you're truly content, you don't have the line between your eyebrows."  
She suddenly dropped her face back to neutral, ironing out the little dent he had talked about.  
"Okay. So what if my best option was to stay?"  
He was knocked off guard, due to the talk about feelings and thoughts, he very rarely had to voice them. Wow, now what does he answer? He sometimes forgets he's talking with a cop who holds interrogations with some of the most arrogant people out there on a daily basis.  
"Well I would have to, uh-ju-mm..." he paused and thought, not for long, but long enough for her to pull her act together.  
"I'm fed up of this, Jane. Say whatever the hell it is and get it over with," she ordered. The past ten years had given her confidence about dating a hard hit, taking chip after chip every time she spoke to him. She was so used to hoping for him to say something, and it never happening that she'd grown familiar with the circumstances and how they ran. He'd begin with a heartfelt comment, she'd raise her hopes, and then nothing would be said, and her confidence would take another knocking. It had gotten to the stage where she wouldn't even consider the possibility of him admitting anything, her mind would simply forget to do so.  
"Fine," he broke out, into the bubble of silence that surrounded them in the dark parking lot. The fluorescent 'open' sign flickering on and off in the background. Nearby street lights and the hazy glow of the moon being the only other sources of light. "I need you here. Now, more than ever. And this sounds incredibly selfish of me. To want you to stay simply because I said so. But you have no idea, Teresa. No idea... The thought of losing you again, for the fifth time... It hurts, physically and mentally. I don't want to say something, to say the thing that's been niggling away inside of me, expanding each day I see you, because I fear that it'll cause you more trouble than you realise and it will make your decision more difficult. I want you to make this decision _for you_. No body else, not Pike, and most certainly not me."  
With only a split second after he'd finished she answered, "Just say it."  
He gazed at her, wanting to know if he had to, and the stern, but caring look, she gave back was the answer and signal he'd needed all along.  
"I want you to stay...because I can't picture me here without you. I need you by my side. In more ways than you can imagine..."  
He watched her face again, tracing the outline of each dainty feature. If this was the last time he was going to be alone with her, then he needed a clone of her in his head to help him through the days and to guide him when he felt alone.  
She had her head bowed to the ground and her eyes darted aimlessly around the floor. That's when he suddenly knew exactly what would prove his point...  
"Good luck, Teresa. Love you."


	5. Chapter 5

Teresa had spent many lonely nights, between shifts and staying in the office as an excuse for why she'd just spend another evening alone, thinking. Often thoughts that grew from the extreme tiredness that she'd built up throughout the course of the busy day. Things such as her seemingly strong faith and belief in God. Was she really as religious as she was often perceived? Did she deserve The Lord's trust when she had no option but to shoot a man in the street? The answer to that last question normally had a 50/50 cut. Yes, she was a reliable Catholic, she had to shoot the criminal in order to save good lives from the hands of a bad man. But then there was the other side of the answer; No, she was a Catholic unworthy of God's love because that criminal in God's eyes deserved a chance at life, same as any other human being, a chance to explain his actions.

Aside from her religion, she thought, rather deeply, about the subject of love and her absent love life. Questions varying from 'would she want a man?', to 'would she struggle to accept that she'd no longer be the independent women people knew her to be?'. She'd very often thought of Jane, especially in the days, _years_, of Red John. She'd arrive home, take out already hanging from a bag on her arm, pour herself a generous glass of wine and sit alone on her couch. After a while of this routine she'd found her mind was going round in a vicious cycle. General concerns and questions, then cases and work, religion and faith, herself and her self-worth and finally that led to relationships and love. She'd surprised herself on more than one occasion when Jane came up toward the end of her broken record of thoughts, rather than in the work section. Soon this occurrence happened on a regular basis and she found the feelings that she'd never thought she'd have. Once falling for his act of adoration was enough for her, so she buried those feelings in a dark place and contained them until she no longer felt anything but loneliness. When at work, she loved the almost dizzying sense of happiness and comfort she felt and prolonged her stay there everyday until it reached a suspicious time, then she had no option but to leave in order to dismiss any hunches her colleagues may have, especially Jane, who often stayed overnight. Then, when Marcus came along she found that she didn't just have those feelings whilst at work, but also at home, or even his place.

It was a few weeks later that she realized Jane was becoming particularly clingy. She'd immediately assumed it was jealousy because he no longer had her undivided attention, but now, post his confession, it all made more sense.

The line between her brow formed and he had to restrain himself in order to not step forward and iron it out with his finger, an instinct he'd harbored, but restrained, for quite a while.

"No," she said incredulously. "That was two years ago..."

He smiled nervously, she remembered! "Would you like me to reword it?" He offered.

"You realize you're not supposed to remember, right?"

He breathed out a chuckle. "Right."

"And it was two years ago."

"Correct." He couldn't help but watch her with one eyebrow raised as her brain turned to scrambled eggs.

"And you were hyped up."

He loved how she practically quoted the entire scenario. He decided to play her game. "I thought at any moment we were gonna get found out."

Her eyes narrowed as she recalled her words and she finally looked up at him, a smirk playing at her lips.

"You do remember?" She asked, still disbelieving.

"How could I not?.."

She studied his face, another habit she'd picked up, although she'd always done it discreetly in the past, or so she believed.

"You don't need to study me this time, Teresa. I'm telling the truth."

She frowned, he'd known all along? Suddenly her face lit up and it was his turn to look confused.

"Is this all a set up?" She smirked, glancing round. It saddened him that he couldn't even admit his love for her because she wouldn't trust him, understandably so after all the tricks and games he'd pulled over the ageing years, not to mention the countless lies he'd sworn were the truth.

"I love you, so, so much, Teresa. And I don't want to frighten you, or scare you or cause more trouble. I want you to do what makes you happy, my opinion on that still hasn't changed. All I ask is that you make the decision based on what you want. Don't let this change anything." He paused for breath as this was just as terrifying as he'd imagined. "And no, this is definitely not a set up. Nor game or trick or evil deception. It's the truth."

Her eyelids fluttered as the humid air somehow seemed to make her eyes go dry. She started to softly shake her head, "No... I can't. I can't marry him..."

He cupped her cheek and gently raised her head from looking at the ground. Her heart was racing ten times faster than it had when she used to think of him, as she sat alone, the beat always ending up out of its usual timing.

He subtly leaned closer and closed his eyes, just trying to calm himself.

"Shh..." She whispered, almost inaudibly, and rubbed her thumb soothingly over his cheek. "You don't have to impress me..." She said, a few decibels louder with her growing confidence as she realized they were both as anxious as the other. He kept his eyes closed as he let the burning heat of his face be drained through her cool hand that now resembled his own, only holding his cheek instead.

"I'm extremely out of practice..." He informed her.

"I'm not much more confident than you are..." She smiled lightly.

"But you've had a dummy to rehearse with," he joked. She snapped open her eyes as he did the same and the panic stricken look he had made her restrained bubble of joy pop and she giggled, largely due to nervousness.

"Something has occurred to me," he said, returning to his usual volume and holding her hand that was pressed to his cheek as he straightened his stance. "We've been friends, partners, for a lengthy amount of time, and yet we're just as tense now as anyone having their first encounter. Why?"

She briefly looked at the floor again as she considered his point.

"Most likely because... Well, we're not familiar with each other in this way..."

He returned her moments of consideration and then tilted his head, reaching the conclusion that it was most certainly a plausible solution.

As they stood there in the dimly lit parking lot, his hand clutching hers at their hips, a companionable silence between them, she once again resorted to watching the floor. When he acknowledged this he used his empty hand to tilt her chin upwards so that her eyes were brought to his.

"Please stop looking down at the ground... Your eyes are so beautiful, I hate to see them go to waste and hide beneath your lashes..."

She wondered what else she didn't know about him, or at least what to expect.

With their now bonded gaze it led to them mentally agreeing that it was okay. _They_ were okay. He leaned down slightly as she rose stably on her tiptoes and they kissed.


End file.
